...and through it charged her landlord, Mr. Gatzke, wearing a tattered green terry robe over his pajamas, and brandishing a baseball bat. Right behind him were Sasha and Fitzgerald.
The rat dove off the bed and darted to the window, and Sasha tore after him. There was a scuffle at the curtains, fur flew and the rat squealed, but before Sasha could pounce again, the rat was gone. Sasha tried to lift the window enough to squeeze through after him, but it was too late. Disgusted, he spat the rat fur out of his mouth and turned back to room. Mr. Gatzke was untying Penelope and muttering about calling the police, while Penelope sobbed hysterically about hobos and rats with eyepatches. Fitzgerald wasn't helping matters, as he'd climbed up onto the bed and doing his best to comfort Penelope by smothering her with dog slobber.
Satisfied that everyone was sufficiently distracted, Sasha slipped back out the door and out of the building. In all the frenzy, no one saw him go.
|
Link
Once Penelope stopped screaming, General Rat decided to try again. "I will allow your dog to return to you unharmed if you help me find Sasha."
Again Penelope heard only squeaking. After a few minutes during which Penelope and General Rat simply stared at each other General Rat decided to try one more time.
"If you want to see your precious Fitzgerald again you will help me find Sasha."
Again Penelope simply stared at the squeaking rat.
"I get the feeling you don't understand a word I'm saying."
And with that General Rat scurried off the bed. He returned a few minutes later catting two pictures, one of Sasha and one of Fitzgerald.
"Let's try something new."
General Rat began scurrying around the bed as though looking for something and then held up Sasha's picture. After a moment he laid the picture of Fitzgerald close to Penelope as though trying to give it to her.
This might have meant something to Penelope had she believed a rat was capable of communicating.
Suddenly the door to her bedroom burst open...
|
Link
"You have a very special young dog, miss penelope. Very special indeed. Tell me, would you ever like to see your dog again?"
Penelope had several odd emotions running through her at the moment. The first and foremost was the fact that she was tied to her own bed. The second was that there was a rat sitting on her stomach... with... an eyepatch. She thought back to her school days studying the Mexican Inquisition when the priests would place rats on the stomachs of the heretics and let them burrow into their intestines. The gruesome thought erected the hairs on the back of her neck. She looked around frantically trying to see the face of her captor, likely a hobo, or worse, an immigrant hobo. Yes, penelope was indeed in a tight spot, and out of the pool of horrible emotions tumbling through her soul the one emotion she was not experiencing... was fear of a talking rat.
*SQueek squeek, squeek squeekun. Squeek Squakie Skrit. Squeek, squeen squeek squeek squiken?*
Penelope screamed.
|
Link
Fitzgerald was hungry, exhausted, and worried. Why wouldn't Sasha tell him what was going on? An army of crackrats, a threat of death, and spitting camels?
Fitzgerald wondered why he wasn't home right now with a couple scoops of Kibbles and a bowl of doggie ice-cream. He and Penelope could be playing tug of war right now. But, no, "They" might be waiting for us and that would be certain death. But couldn't they just-- wait-- DEATH?
"SASHA!" Fitzgerald growled
The ominous tone in Fitz's voice caused Sasha to actually respond to his name. His tail lowered as he looked back concerned- but very deliberately unafraid (However, his twitching, lowered ears did not make him look unafraid, but we won't tell him that.)
"What."
Fitz bared his teeth, "You said 'They' would be waiting on us back home to KILL US! Did you even think about Penelope? What if 'They' killed her too!? How can you just walk away not caring who's life you put at risk?!"
Sasha remained calm (except for the quivering end of his tail, but srsly guys its not like there's a mirror here, k?)
"First of all, you're the one who followed me. You risked your life when you chose to sniff me out this morning. You risked Penelope's life when you... well when you did whatever you did back there. Perhaps they'll spare her though. I never gave any hint to them that I gave a rat's ass about you or Penelope."
Sasha tilted his head in thought. "No pun intended, of course. But that's the best we can hope for"
Fitz was silent for a moment and stared at Sasha.
As Sasha started to turn to lead the way again, he said in a quiet, low voice "Sasha, you tell me every possible thing we can do to save Penelope or I swear to Dog, you won't make it to the camels."
|
Link
Meanwhile, Penelope got home from work. She was startled to see a rat scurry past her feet. She jumped back startled, however, the rat continued to run and she continued on to the door. She was surprised when Fitzgerald didn't meet her at the door like he always did. She went through the house searching for him or Sasha. When she found no trace of them she began searching the neighborhood. She could find no trace of either Sasha or Fitzgerald, however she did see an unsually large number of rats. She finally gave up searching around ten at night. She was so tired when she got home that she didn't notice the two rats sitting on her porch, one of whom appeared to have an eye patch.
She went upstairs and found pictures of her beloved pets. She decided that tomorrow she would call in sick to work and make posters searching for Fitzgerald and Sasha. She then turned off the lights and climbed into bed.
A short time later she awoke to a light on and a rat with an eyepatch sitting on her...
|
Link
Fitzgerald took a step towards the one-eyed rat, who dropped the dart gun to wave his empty paws in the air.
"You can kill me, mutt, but you'll never escape the city alive!"
Fitzgerald shook his head, trying to clear the ringing from his ears. "Uh, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to...well..." He guestured helplessly at the mangled bodies scattered around. Sasha was still gaping at him, apparently unable to speak. "Uhm. So, I guess I'm in trouble."
Sasha made a choking kind of noise. The general rat was still holding his paws over his head, a look of profound disbelief beginning to creep over his pointed little face.
"Right. So, it was nice meeting you. And now me and my roommate are going to go." Fitzgerald headed for the door, with a shell-shocked Sasha in tow. Behind him, the general rat spun and ran out the opposite door.
By the time Fitzgerald had navigated his way up the stairs and back into the alley, Sasha was well on his way back to normal. The alleyway was dark - sometime during their little adventure night had fallen. Fitzgerald was starting to worry about poor Penelope, all by herself. He turned to head down the street towards home, when Sasha finally spoke.
"You big, stupid, flea-bitten excuse for a walking carpet, where the hell do you think you're going? We can't go home! They'll be waiting for us!" Sasha was back to hissing and spitting. Cats are very high-strung animals.
"But Penelope's all alone! And we're going to miss dinner!" Fitzgerald had never missed dinner before.
Sasha rolled his eyes. "Fine! Walk into certain death! See if I care. I on the other hand, am going to stay with some friends. Enjoy your last night on this earth, puppychow."
"Wait. You can't go alone." Fitzgerald thought hard for a minute. "I'll come with you." Sasha was already walking away and he had to run to catch up. "Who are your friends?"
"Two little old ladies who live on the coast. They have a couple of camels who got connections. We can lie low for a while and work out a plan."
"Oh. Camels. Don't they spit?"
"Shut up."
"Think they'll have dinner?"
"Not for dogs."
"But...."
"Shut up and walk, tubby."
|
Link
Sasha turned to the General Rat. "There is no need for dog blood to be spilled today. Let's throw him in the brig and worry about it later."
The rat turned his one fierce eye from Fitz and let it come still upon Sasha. "The brig is the best that you can hope for, Sasha. I can't believe you let yourself be tracked here. Where were you trained, the District 9 Pound? Bubonica, escort Senor Fitz to processing for disposal. Rabesan, take Sasha to the penetentiary. Ensure that he associates moments such as these with very bad...bad...bad things."
Bubonica and Rabesan moved toward Sasha and Fitz. Fitz glanced at his new roommate and saw that he looked dejected, but it appeared he would not be putting up a fight. Fitzgerald was on his own.
Fitz gave the best snarl he could muster and bared his teeth. Bubonica was startled by the gnash of sharp bone presented to her, but quickly regained her composure.
"Awww... is the little puppy dog gunna bite me? Fwuffy wittle fitzie... bring it on you man-"
Everything went black.
Fitz felt like he was coming out of a deep sleep. Disorientation was all about him, but slowly the facts of his surroundings were coming clear. His mouth tasted like blood. There was a small rat sized windpipe on the ground. And a small dead rat near it. And another. And another. Everything in the room was dead, save one horrified looking cat and a one eyed mouse holding a dart gun.
"...I could have sworn that wasn't the adrenal dart. Ratz."
|
Link
"Ruin everything?" asked Fitzgerald. "I was just curious where you went everyday."
Before Sasha could respond the large rat with the eye patch approached. He turned to Sasha and asked, "Who is this dog, Sasha, and how does he know you? And more importantly, can he compromise our mission?"
"He is the dog who lives with me and my human. He is too stupid to pose any threat, General," Sasha responded. When Fitzgerald looked like he was about to object to being called stupid Sasha gave him a look that caused him to reconsider his objection.
"He may be stupid," the general responded, "however, I'm not sure we can just let him go. He knows where our hideout is now."
|
Link
Fitzgerald looked around in confusion. Cats are quick, but they can't just disappear...or at least he didn't think they could.
"Psst! Hey, dog!" The big rat motioned Fitzgerald to come closer. The other two rats looked up with mocking snarls on their faces.
Fitzgerald decided he didn't really care for rats. Particularly these rats. He started to back down the alleyway. "Uhm, terribly sorry to disturb you. I think I have the wrong alley."
"No, I don't think so." The rat paused to hand off his bag of crack to one of the smaller rats behind him. "You lookin' for a cat?"
Fitzgerald backed up a little more. No, he definitely didn't like rats. Especially crack-dealing rats with snaggly fangs and headgear. "Uhm, actually, yes. I don't suppose you've seen him? No? Oh, okay, thanks anyway." He backed up faster.
"Thought so," the rat spat, "Get him!" Suddenly Fitzgerald was pounced by an entire horde of giant rats (sneaky little bastards). Before he knew what to do, he was muzzled and blindfolded, with all four paws tied together.
The lead rat walked up to him and turned over the tag on his collar. "How nice to meet you, Fitzgerald." He turned to the rest of the rats. "Take him to the boss!"
Struggling and growling, Fitzgerald was dragged down the alleyway. He heard a door slide open and the party started down a steep set of stairs. The smell of rat was very strong. He bounced along, getting angrier by the minute, until they finally stopped. He was dumped on the floor and heard the patter of hundreds of rat feet all around him.
"Mmmff?"
The blindfold was pulled off, and there stood Sasha with all his fur standing on end. "You stupid dog! What, do you want to ruin everything?!?!" Behind Sasha stood several rats, all sporting what looked like rat-sized military uniforms. One was even larger than the lead rat in the alleyway and wore an eye patch over his left eye.
|
Link
It seemed that at any moment Sasha would turn around and spot Fitzgerald, who was carefully hiding behind trees as he went.
Sasha moved with a confidence only found in a streetcat, while Fitz found it more than difficult to ignore the new wonders.
Penelope turned on 8th street, but oddly enough, Sasha turned down an alley way. Fitz continued into the alleyway, but Sasha
was nowhere to be seen. Leaning against the wall next to a dumpster were three rats, the largest wearing something that looked
like a full headgear retainer, and a bag of crack.
|
Link
Every day when Penelope left for work, Sasha would wait about five minutes and then leave. Sasha would return home everyday approximately thirty minutes before Penelope. This struck Fitzgerald as odd. Since he had never been further than the sidewalk in front of the apartment he was nervous about following Sasha, but he loved Penelope very much and was worried that Sasha might be up to something that would hurt Penelope. So the next day when Sasha left Fitzgerald waited a minute and then began to follow Sasha. He hesitated as he left the sidewalk in front of his apartments.
|
Link
Once upon a time...
...there was a little dog named Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald lived with a very nice girl named Penelope in a beautiful city in northern Alabama. Actually, the city wasn't very beautiful, but Fitzgerald had never seen any of it but the sidewalk outside the apartment window where he went to do his business. But he thought it was a very beautiful sidewalk, possibly the most beautiful sidewalk in the whole wide world, so it made sense that the city would be nice too. He had a wonderful life and was content.
Until one day, Penelope brought home a cat named Sasha. This cat was the ugliest, mangiest, and meanest cat Fitzgerald had ever met. Not that'd he'd met many. The only other cat he'd known had been a nice little tabby with a fondness for single malt whiskey and William Faulkner novels, who hadn't been the least bit mangy and only a little mean. When Fitzgerald tried to introduce himself to Sasha with a polite sniff of the butt, he was astonished to discover that the name Sasha is actually Russian for "Furry Little Cuisinart."
After that, Fitzgerald learned to keep his distance from Sasha. That is, until he began to notice that there was something funny about him.
|
Link
What IS all this?
This is the very first storyblog of Jeff, Jessica, and Sarah - three rather eccentric engineering students living in Huntsville, Alabama. One hot summer day, these three lost little lambs got together and, rather than brave the soul-sucking humidity of Northern Alabama, decided to stay home and watch paint dry. This was very boring, so Sarah decided they should make a story. It was a magnificent story. After a while, they decided to try again.
Why does this make no sense?
We are engineers. UAH has a rule, carefully concealed in the fine print, that engineers are not allowed to have fun. It's part and parcel of the soul-removal process that enables us to work for the US government upon graduation. However, the three of us are illegally harboring souls (or at least the last little bits and pieces of one). In order to hide this fact, we must find a creative release in something besides normal everyday activities. This story is simply an outpouring of the babble that fills our heads on a regular basis.
A tank full of mormons????
Yes well. We needed something to power the Death Star after we ran out diesel. With the vast hordes of militant intergalactic Mormons available (hey, they attacked us), we found they make a very efficient fuel with the right chemical additives. Why are you looking at me like that?
This is stupid. Why should anyone read this crap?
*shrug* I don't know. Why are you still breathing?
|
Link